I have a persistent head cold and just under my right breast I have enormous pain when I cough or move. I was hoping that I’d broken my rib because I thought that if I had broken my rib I must have done it three weeks ago, when I slipped on the kitchen floor and fell hard against the decorative knob on the stool back, and if that were the case, that I had broken my rib three weeks ago, then it would have to be admitted as a general principle that I was very brave and strong and never complained, because it was only in the last week that I started noticing that I was in an extraordinary amount of pain, and telling other people about it. If I had broken my rib three weeks ago, as I thought, really, I might have, then I might also take some of the sting out of the recollection of my very convincing loss to Tris at singles this past week. Even though at the time, technically, my rib hadn’t hurt.

David acted out the phone call where I called Tris to ask her to sub for me this week and delicately let slip that I had in fact had a broken rib when we played. Don’t, I said. It hurts when I laugh.

And just generally speaking and as I was saying, everyone would have to admit that I was extremely brave and strong and never complained.

But no broken rib, at least according to the doctor on duty Saturday, who told me he was valedictorian of his high school class. I should have said, Me, too! He has no way of checking. I should lie more, I should make more things up. As an exercise. I had marched through the halls of the medical group braless and shirtless, barely covered by a little gown designed so that only ceaseless vigilance kept both—but why would you want to keep both?—of my breasts inside it, to the X-ray department, where they put a sticker on me and had me raise one arm and lay it over my head, then hold my breath. I suppose it’s silly to care if one’s breast comes out of one’s gown while one's being X-rayed, but one does. I did. Anyway, the doctor said it was possible that the X-ray would show something if they blew it up but what was the point, when in any case he could give me some very nice drug samples he just happened to have around? Some nice little antibiotics and maybe a top-notch topical pain killer? Hmmm? Now didn’t that sound nice? And so the weekend went on and I didn’t have a broken rib and I’m not brave and strong and I do complain, I actually complain a lot.