Tuesday, July 17, 2007

How to disagree with people in the suburbs?

Stop smiling.
Call the buildings department and anonymously report them for an infraction.
Express disagreement, then immediately backpedal.
Be just as friendly as ever but don’t mean it (not that you ever mean it, it’s always an act, life is an act, don’t be so naive).
Write in your blog.
Throw bottled water directly in their faces.
Challenge them to a duel.
Gossip about them behind their backs (do I even have to write this down?).
Tag their houses with graffiti.
Leave rotten eggs in their mailboxes.
TP their houses.
Slash their tires.
Lose at tennis.
Get a nicer car than theirs.
Give more money to the Mittens program than they did (long story).
Duck out of sight in the supermarket.
Roll your eyes.
Tell your husband on them.
Eat dessert.

Have I left something out? I don’t want to leave anything out.

1 comment:

Carey Lifschultz said...

A wise but anonymous person has added: Be extra-nice to their children.

Of course. How could I have missed this?